I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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