hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
