Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
