he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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