Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
