accomplished twins. life is a go
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
