We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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