Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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