it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
