Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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