His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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