Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
