I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
