Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
