And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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