HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
vagina is talking i cant
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
