is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
