i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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