just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
