the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This house was built for laser tag.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
