are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
