idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
