I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
