im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
