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So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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