Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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