You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
