just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
