omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
that may or may not have been my penis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
