Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
