Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
