so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize