Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
