I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
