i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dick very happy bro
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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