So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
