I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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