She is in my trunk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
