4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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