and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
