Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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