Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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