my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
