i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
