i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
