If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
