is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
