Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
