I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
