i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
