C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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