with your own penis?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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