i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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