If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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