Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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