Nicole vs. Life
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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