I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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