Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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