Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
