Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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