I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize