i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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