people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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