he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
