The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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