I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
