i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
