i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
