Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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